I disconnect

tak semena mena saya teringat pada dia semalam, on angah's car, seating by myself like I always do back to Muo from Kelantan.

despite having fun at Kelantan which I can totally see myself living there or having fun there with future mr. significant other *oh please come sooner!*, saya nak salahkan playlist lagu dalam iPod saya yang memainkan lagu lagu yang mengingatkan saya dengan dia.


So what I did was I texted Izzat. I don't know who can I turn to without awkwardness getting into the scene. To be honest, as much I love Amal, Yatie and Ika, buat as problem buyers in the lovelife department, they fail a bit. haha aku sengaja cari pasal kan, girls? ok ok hukum aku lepas kita jumpa okay? 


So, I asked Izzat ; 

"Is it wrong to miss the ex even though there's no possible ways of getting into relationship with him back again?"

I hesitated for a moment, knowing it has been long since the breakup. He used to occasionally texted me, asking how my life has been and I would feel somehow bad/good at once when replying to him. haha nevermind that. 

From here, I can imagine everyone else's answer ;

Ika : doh bakpo plop? *if I reply to her telling how I was feeling she would say* Ala, relaxla, nanti jupo la sapa sapa. Jom keluar jom weekend ni?

Yatie : Sabar wei. hahaha

Amal : Babe kenapa ni? Kau ni suke camni. Nak kena babap? Ala, relaxla jangan ingat ingat dah. takmau camtu

Emma : I cant sebab she didn't even know the guy

Ariff : Ni awat plak dahhhhh?

I rest my case. Haha.

I didn't expect the above answers, which sometimes annoy the hell out of me. Cuz I'm in situation which I can't relax, I don't feel that great and rather than "listening" or "consulting", I need "understanding". Leave the consulting part to myself haha I'm good in making myself feel comfortable at some point.

So Izzat asked me, why won't I text him?

He doesn't ask that much. Simple questions. Getting into the situation rather fast without me have to spill the beans that much. I guess he didn't want to know all the details, rather than only wanted to say the right words.

Why Won't I Text 'Him'?

I still have his number in the phone book. Niat masih menyimpan untuk emergency. 

1. He is already move on. Found another girl. Maybe.

2. I'm still single after him. Don't want to let him know I feel lonely sometime. And this makes me remember what I said to him "There's no one after you". I guess doa masa itu dimakbulkan.

3. It would be awkward.

4. Who text their ex(es)?

I don't plan to get back with him, any way.

I miss him for being there when I need him the most, so basically I'm missing the act, and the act only. HE, can be anyone else for that matter.

Saya tak text dia untuk bagitau saya rindu dia sebab saya rasa takde sebab untuk dia tahu. Since I don't have any plan of getting back to him. 

So what say you?

Saya masih cling onto the past?

Saya sebenarnya tak let go lagi perasaan saya?

atau kesunyian tu menguasai?

True. True. Its True.

well, MAYBE.

saya rasa saya okay je. 

tak salahkan rindu pada yang pernah singgah dalam hidup kita?