diam bukan tanda setuju..

past few days, i've been feeling so alone.
so damn alone.

eventhough there's people around me, making me smiles, laughing, talking to me, but deep down inside, i'm so lonely.

i felt like i am missing something i dont even know what is it.

i told amal my deepest secret,something i've not even tell to anyone except my family. i know i can trust her upon anything. everything.

not that she's my bestfriend, but i know she's not that kind of girl who talks about others. at least, for now.

i hinted a few people, my friends, friends that i think understand me, that i need them. but none of them seems care to notice it. frust, indeed i am. i need comfort. jarang sangat aku rasa macamni.

do i need love?
idk. after getting hurt. let things flow the way it is now and for future, if he is my one, he'll meet me.

tapi, i admit i do get jealous, seeing everyone around me tengah happy with their loved ones, watching fatin bergayut dengan syahrul, ana bergaduh dengan amir and hearing kak nani complaining about abang zul.

but what to do?
duk diam-diam sudah.

projects are getting tougher to handle. struggling and surviving. kadang-kadang, it comes thru my mind, am i regretting doing ARCHI than marketing O medic? i do missed dublin, a lot, that is something i cant ever deny. remembering my days there. for me, my friends there tak bermuka, sombong. it's a lot different here. another atmosphere i'm facing in uia now. there are friends who stood by my side on any weather i'm getting, tapi you can count.1,2,3. trust? lagilah susah. am i making mistakes?

aku rasa tak. aku yang buat pilihan ni, then i have to bear with it.

urm..
lepas sesi hati ke hati dengan amal yang secara tak sengaja tu, aku rasa diri ni sangat rapuh. tak sekuat mana aku fikirkan.

i've been hiding too much.
still am.

meluahkan bukan sesuatu yang senang pada aku.
aku jarang menceritakan masalah atau kekusutan hati. prefer being a problem buyer. how do i solve my tangled web? i observe, having deep toughts and wondering, what'll someone do if him/her is in my shoes?

21tahun *tak cukup lagi 21tahun*
dah memikirkan benda-benda yang a 21year old girl shouldnt be thinking?
semua tu bermula dengan pengalaman dan persoalan. banyak yang didedahkan, dirasai.

but dont ever forget,
aku masih budak. sejauh mana pun kematangan aku, aku MASIH budak. budak perempuan yang sangat tipikal.
aku suka benda-benda comel macam teddy bear, bermanja dengan mummy, menangis tengok kiah cinta, feeling waktu baca novel, merajuk kalau yang tersayang sakitkan hati or get mad by mummy/daddy, takut tidur dalam bilik gelap, takut tengok filem seram, lompat-lompat bila happy...etc.

to someone out there,
get hold of me and hold me tight, will you?